Question : What is Love?

Question : How do you know its coming?

Question : What does it mean to be attached?

Question : Why do hearts beat fast and slow?

I have been wondering ever since I dreamed the dream.
Do not ask me why, cause I have no idea too.
No prize for telling me the answer, but seriously people.
Tag me or email me or call me, just drop me an answer.
even a hint will do, really.
Helps really alot.

Well, if what Bella said was true.
I will really REALLY be the happiest guy, but then how true is it?
Sometimes, its really the "Yes" that I want to hear.
Kinda dumb right, have to be sure. *shrugs*

I can hardly keep anything in myself.
have to say it out, unless i am told not to, that is.
two times, both no reply. ask a third time? wouldn't it be weird.
Let nature takes it due course, precisely what I am going to do.
sometimes, the best thing to do is not to do anything.
*sigh*

PRELIMS was horrible.
You know what, I cannot wait for Army.
school is really not a place for me, well didnt make much friends anyway.
would have left the college for SMA if not for band.
but again, band is not great as I thought it would be.
what really kept me was my SECTION.
*nod nod*

"BEST SECTION AWARD"
I am really proud of this award, but does my section really deserve it?
on my part, I think I do not deserve this. No matter how much i crave for it.
Lets See - relationship with J2s is pretty bland.
Come to think about it, I have not spoken to Huitian for nearly 7 months. *sad*
Be it in class or in band, we do not even look eye to eye. *thats how bad it is*
I think its really my fault for all those little misunderstandings that we have.
It all accumulated to this BIG BIG problem between us :(
Well, maybe avoiding her was wrong from the start.
What to do, continue hating me then. *let just wait for time to do the healing*
guess what, we might just get to say the first "HI" 10 years from now.
Nothing much i can really do, other than sit down and shut up.

Daniel? He is a wonderful guy, really! A great guy.
But still our relationship is as good as those stranger who brush past each other.
Same band for 6 years, and classmate for 2 years. and Still Like That.
*sigh* maybe its just me. *sigh* maybe.

Joachim, awfully nice guy. I did not even know about the first BAD IMPRESSION i left.
Glad to know that at least I get along fine with him.
Maybe this is the reason why i try to be very nice to the j1s ,
going back every practice and be very close with them.
Maybe, I am trying to make up for the wrongs all these months.
Well, I cannot say for sure, but I seriously pray that no one in the world is as screwed as me.
Really, it would be sad. Not for yourself but for those around.
Its just like being an anomalous reading, it has to go.
One way or another, it has to disappear.

My little wish to die at 21? prayed hard for it. A quick one!
Maybe a small accident during free falling might do the trick?
or even a weapon misfire during Commando training?
Death is not a big issue, but rather the way death approaches.
Lingering on in this world of mask and deceit and lies and false relationship.
*sad*

Alright, I shall stop babbling on.
No one gives a damn anyway, thats how the world goes.
Really random entry.
But its all what i feel.... deep inside.....
Xianz.

Forget it.

Dont bother reading k.

Ciao